the hazel project

Fall and Forgiveness

October 18th, 2008

Now we’re in Fall,
Early Fall is a great for a few weeks of introspection before the final push into the holidays and then 2009. I found myself updating my myspace player with a few tunes that are more Autumnal.
Brian Eno, Tom Waits and AMC have been a big part of my musical diet for over 15 years. My intention is to acknowledge the reflective power of their music during Autumn; a season about letting go. It’s easy to miss, and people in the Western US get a blunted version of it. This is me sharing with you the nuance I find there.
Usually I keep this kind of thing for closer friends than for public, but I’m attempting to be more open about what I’ve been involved in lately.

Forgiveness:

My practice this year has been an awkward dance with forgiveness. Some days I find it easy, other days I find it difficult. Some days its staring me in the face and I want to do anything except acknowledge it. Robert Bly calls this “Bucket Work”, emptying the swamp bucket by bucket to get to the essence of one’s being. What I know is this; the story is what it is. And with each year becomes more distant with just the reminder of what was sharp and cutting is now dull and tired. Its time to move on. I now feel free to do so.

This freedom is palpable because it is where time, space (is that the same thing?), and forgiveness converge and a larger picture comes into focus for me. This is the point where I can welcome and maintain forgiveness. More than just a flash of light, thankfully. For some reason, I had to see a larger view before taking the next step, or from the dancing analogy; lead. It’s difficult to articulate without being too specific.

All that to say, I was very glad about the news I’d heard, and wish them and their little one the best intentions of kindness and wellness.
I admit my vagueness is self preservation. The last 44 months, have been amazingly strange and full of growth. Growth in ways I’m still very protective of. For now, this is where I am in navigating the path.
Some of my new friends are getting more than their fair share of this but I appreciate their patience on every level. (and please know that I’m aware of your efforts.)
Ironically, I’ve become more a life participant than life observer in recent months. Though participating in events and scenarios is fun and exciting, I miss the quietness of observing.
I miss the downtime and am reminded of Thoreau as he talked about his adventure and “sucking the marrow” of life while living deliberately. That’s what I mean when I refer to living from the inside-out. Intention rooted so deep it’s within the bones.
Music:

I’ve hardly written any new music this year. A few sketches exist on the Oberheim and that’s it. However, I did find one ‘drone improvisation’ on my hard drive. Since it’s one of the only things that was created this year I figured I’d share it.

It’s long and reflective. It’s basically the aural equivalent of being out on a cold night wrapped in a warm blanket. I may try it out (literally) the next time I go to Joshua Tree.

It’s named after two small towns I have affinity for and are opposite in every way imaginable; Laurel, Mississippi and Davis, California.
MX_Laurel Davis

Also, there was this unfinished thing I found from last year, I’ll call it Steve Austin for now because it reminds me of astronauts on a spacewalk. I think its funny for some reason, I find myself laughing at its playfulness and ridiculous simplicity.

MX_Steve Austin

LENA#2:

So there is a replacement car! It’s green. It’s a 97 VW. (I went up a year!)

85,000 miles on it. I’m very happy with it so far.

Lena #2 has door locks and A/C as well as side moldings.

(mmm door locks! no more screwdrivers! One night this Summer I was locked out and opened the door with a baskin robbins spoon. That was a bright moment.)

I know all the F&I guys out there are sad I disregarded their advice but ego aside, I’m just unable to drive a brand new car.

CHINA TOWN:

There’s been a get together in China town on Wednesday nights called MidTones. It’s basically an open jam with a core group of musicians. It’s a great time to play and meet new people with similar interests. There’s five of us in the core group led by Shin who plays guitar and kind of conducts us through gestures. Atsuki plays drums and bass, Wingo plays synthesizers, Evan is on bass and percussion, I play minimoog and jungle drums. Lino and Basil are the Dj’s and Tippy is the bartender.
These guys are a lot of fun to hang and play music with. They’re open to just about everything and let me tryout all sorts of synth weirdness. It’s all improv. from the first downbeat.

Heres a picture of a few of us.

MidTones

From L-R: Keiko, Wingo, Manel, ?, Me, Atsuki, and Shin in Front.

L.A. Tourguide:

Finally, Dan came out for a bit of business and vacation a couple of weeks ago. As tour guide I felt it my duty to present L.A. in a positive light and leave an impression. We packed about 6 months of ‘Seeing and Doing” into one week. I would say the highlight was Lucent Dossier at the Edison hotel. We went with Tim, Memphis, Steph, and a new friend Ant. I think Dan is forever altered after that experience. My sincere apologies to Peg, Dan’s Wife, if he’s been unable to stop talking about it. It takes me at least 3-4 days to get back to my self. Lucent Dossier is indescribable; a mixture of vaudeville, acrobatics, tea, and hand made soap. I enjoy it best when I’m there with these particular people and stay for the duration. I think that’s key.

I know some have been wondering where I’d gone. Some have asked for better details, some have asked for more music. Some have asked for anything other than a running update!

I trust this will suffice for now.

Be well everyone.

With Gratitude,

Stephen

2 Responses

  1. Peg Says:

    So good to hear about the space you are in. It makes me smile. Dan had such a great time being with you and seeing your places. I must say he is bored after coming back here.

  2. sathomas Says:

    Thanks very much. I’m very well aware of how these life situations effect all who were involved -

    As far as Dan, I might have gone overboard a bit. I did have an agenda, I admit.

    Ultimately I want the best for both of you guys and the pups too. So if it comes down to it, I’ll be glad to take Rudy to his acting lessons if you guys end up in Minnesota for the next 5 years! : )

    Thanks again Peg. As far as being bored, I hear it’s beautiful there right now and in Western NC - I miss that part. We had Fires last week for our Fall!

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